Love Is A Tricky Feeling
I am living with my partner for almost 2 years now and I never been happier. Like any other girls, I was in a phase where I asked myself whether he is the right person for me. A constant question that hit me sometimes.
A few weeks after i met my partner, we decided to stay together for a month in my house, it was a good chance to know each other better. So, days went perfect although he sometimes left clothes on the floor (which he still does!). We cooked dinner, talk and connect like any other couples.
Deeper Into The Relationship
A little bit about me, I am a very shy person. Growing up, I was bullied by my seniors for being ugly, well for them. Thus, it took me quite some time to gain self-confidence to be myself and interact with others. This experience gave me trouble in sleeping. I always had nightmares since i was about 10 years old but it started to become worse when i reached my early 20’s. When i was in university, my roommate always said I screamed a lot in my sleep, zombie ways. This made me worried and uncomfortable to spend a night anywhere else rather than my own room, alone.
Few days after we stay together, my fear turned into reality. I had a nightmare and I was screaming in my sleep. Not the cute little screaming, more like ‘moowoo’ and ‘eeeiiaa’, you know the ugly full scale masculine voice and it woke him up. I opened my eyes and realize that i was having my nightmares with my mouth open and my hand in the air as if i was having an exorcism. He looked at me shocked and confused. I was quite ashamed and thinking ‘oh my now he know I scream ugly in my sleep and maybe find it disgusting and awkward’.
He then look at me and said ‘je suis la, Julia, je suis la’ and hold my hand. It was the first time in my life that someone calm me down after a nighmares, the first time I felt safe after such nightmares. It struck me at that moment at 4am in the morning, that I love him, I love this French guy. It was the first time I admit to myself that I have actually found love. Someone that i can share my life with.
After that night and now 2 years later living together, i had less and less nightmares. We even adopted a cat together. Every time i had the excruciating nightmares, he was there to comfort me, just hug me and let me know that he is always there and always will be. That experience improve our relationship a lot. Both of us were no longer shy in opening up about our insecurities be it about body flaws or past life experiences.
For some people it may sound like it is nothing, but for me it was a life changing experience that gave me the security and more importantly, self confidence. It means a lot when someone love you and accept all your flaws and strength. It made me realize that i made the right decision to let myself fall in love with him. The fact that he can bear my screaming at 3 AM at night almost every week shows that he is the right person as my companion and I love him dearly, so do him, me.
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